ElegantFaith

I long for a gentler truth. Some reason, some hope, for why tragic ensues. Some God who could hear me, but all that I am is some forgotten little shell in the sand as the ocean swallows these billion living crabs and I'm just an afterthought of a serious plan so I want to be crushed by the weight of the land. By the thoughts of the wicked. By the evil inside. Please don't become what my body finds. You can flee from a ghost. You can flee from a home. To flee from yourself is an unfading chokehold. I look forward to the day my life drains away I see why Christianity believes demons are made. I'd rather have a deadly bounty Then this self-set hatred about me. That way I could let the assassin set in Instead of letting my own self-hatred win. I'd bloodlet these thoughts, bleed the evil away I'd heal and I'd heal though the wind and decay. I'd watch the sun rise and blind my own way. I'd vomit vaccine until nothing remained. I'd scrub myself clean till nothing could stay. I'd bleach out

I keep asking for someone to save me as if I was a child with rabies as if I had a fever daydream. But what I'm really asking is someone to erase me. I'm searching for a beautiful question. A thought that could spark contention. A disagreement about existentialism. An arguemnt that could lead to comprehension so the pain of living has some comprehension. So I'm searching for a more beautiful question. Was it god who broke my soul? Or some demon disguised in a robe? Or is it that my life is one bad dice roll? When death is a doorstep and beauty withholds; where memories become a burden to hold; where living becomes heavier than a Hawking black hole- Was it you God, who broke my soul? I'd like to know my place. Befriend an oracle and witness my fate. Wake up in the morning without needing to contemplate suicide, or death, or a self-harm mistake. My shape is a unique display with amorphous value anyway. Why I'm driven to find escape- why I will the world away- Why can I not find my